Soldiers

Nothing goes right. Everything goes wrong. The more we try, the worse it gets. Smiles and laughs turn to frowns and cries. Good never lasts. Bad never ends. Sadness goes, but always comes back. Happiness greets us, but doesn’t stay long. We live for today, for it gone too soon. We wait for tomorrow, for it to be the same as today. They say life is a tide of give and take, but all I can see is take. Pick give or pick take. If take, then only just take. To give should not be to scraps while take is to a medieval feast. Don’t ration the give only to make us thankful from all the lack. The wheel never ends. The hurt always returns. We tread on like soldiers in war.

Imposter syndrome

I’ve never been a good writer. I have no idea why I’m trying to even write this right now. People won’t even like what I have to say. You’re a 31 year old single mom who still lives with grandma. You are pretty lazy and have mood swings like a wooden roller coaster. Anything you do, you’re a fraud. Even as a mom. You don’t know what you’re doing. You’ve worked your life up to this point to have nothing to show. Any job you take, you will fail at because you are a fake trying to act like you know what you’re doing. Your friends and people don’t even really like you either. They just pretend to. Everyone finds out who you really are eventually. You might as well sit in a corner and not try at anything. Stay quiet. Stay still. You’re whole existence is a lie. You can pretend all you want, but you know you’re an imposter and don’t belong anywhere.

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Umm

Laying here with nothing on my mind besides this. What to write . What to say. Honestly having depression, I knew or at least thought, it would help having this blog to express myself. To share my story. But here I am blank. In a way, I’m not entirely mad about it. Doesn’t happen very often. Goodnight to ya